Complicating a simple life!

There is a reason why I named my blog A Simple Life. I like my life as it is now. It's uncomplicated and things seem to have fallen into place since the initial chaos after Dennis entered into our lives. I have a job that allows me to expand my professional attainments but at the same time, leaves me with ample time to spend with my son. It makes motherhood very fulfilling for me.

But life as they say, gets a bit boring when everything is so predictable! I think subconsciously I've decided to sabotage this peaceful episode of my life. First I got myself pregnant. As happy as I am to be a mother again, I am fearful of the prospect of having to handle 2 kids. Not to mention 2 BOYS! But I've told myself that it's a decision that Keat and I have made and we have no choice but to face it with gusto.

So fearful am I that I am willing to quit my job after delivery to help me get used to the life as a mother of 2. Keat and I have spoken about this and he's suppportive of my idea.

But last week I did the unthinkable. I tendered my resignation letter and signed on the dotted line of a Letter of Offer for a NEW JOB! Yes, just as I'm about to enter a new chapter of uncertainty, I've decided to rock the boat further. I'm going to start a new job this coming March, at the beginning of my third trimester, when I'm going to be heavily pregnant, possibly cranky, moody and extremely tired.

If you think I'm crazy, well, I've got news for you. This is not the first time I've done this- 2 years ago, I started a new job when I was about 7 months into my pregnancy. Only this time it might be more scary because I will be joining this new company all by myself, I won't have my former boss to look after me like the last time. Plus, I'll be holding a more senior position and hence will be shouldering more responsibilities.

For both pregnancies, I've initially planned to take a break after delivery but this never happened. Jobs seem to like come knocking on my door when I'm pregnant. I actually took days to mull over the decision. But I suppose, at the end of the day, all of us are motivated by dollars and cents, and the carrot that the new company dangled in front of me is quite irresistable. I'm just afraid that such a good opportunity may not come by again...if I let it slip away this time.

Well, since I've made this crazy decision, I'll have to learn to face up to it. I am bracing myself for a pretty rough year ahead until, once again, the dust finally settles and everyone gets used to the motion of the new daily routines. Be it as it may, I think I'll continue to be haunted by the guilt of not being able to spend as much time with my son(s) as I do now. It's a heavy price I'm paying and I hope it will not be for a long term.

PS: I swear I'll make sure that for the 3rd child, I'll take a break after I deliver - my much deserved break!!!